


Love Without Sight

by mischievousmoonhunter



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Gen, Other, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-08 22:09:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 7,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7775503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mischievousmoonhunter/pseuds/mischievousmoonhunter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being blinded in an accident while helping S.H.I.E.L.D., Nyree lives in the Tower with everyone, but she dreads the way they treat her like a helpless child. When Loki arrives on Midgard to carry out the rest of his sentence he becomes curious with her condition and how she manages to read and such. Over the months the two grow closer than the others thought possible. They form a tight bond without Nyree ever seeing him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I loved dreaming. If I was honest with myself, – which I usually tried hard not to be – I liked it better than real life. For in my dreams I was running again, while the wind tousled my hair, and I squinted against the bright sun.   
Waking up never got easier. I felt my heart sink every time I opened my eyes, and my word stayed black. And because of that feeling I hated myself even more; I didn’t have it that bad. How many people would have survived such an accident? And how many could live with the Avengers after that?   
Still, mornings were bad.

‘Good morning, Nyree,’ I heard Tony’s voice.   
‘Morning,’ I grumbled back. ‘Did you get some sleep tonight?’   
‘Not really, but don’t worry about me, can I do anything for you?’   
‘Nah, I don’t feel like eating yet.’  
‘You sure? If you need anything, just ask.’  
‘Yes, yes,’ I muttered back. I felt my way to the living room, and found the couch.   
‘Nobody’s sitting on the couch?’ I asked.  
‘Nope,’ I heard Tony call from the kitchen. Good, I thought, and dropped myself on it.   
After laying there for a while, I heard footsteps coming closer.   
‘You sure you don’t need anything?’  
‘Hundred percent Tony.’  
‘You do have to eat.’  
‘Yeah, yeah, later.’  
I heard some noise, and an opening door. Suddenly an icy tension filled the room.  
‘Okay, what just happened?’ I asked.   
‘We’ve got a guest,’ Tony answered. I felt him step closer to me, protectively.    
‘And who is this guest?’ I sighed, not entirely interested.   
‘I had expected a bigger welcoming comity, honestly.’ I recognised that voice – only from video, but still, I knew it.   
‘Okay, what the hell is he doing here?’   
‘I wonder that too.’ The low, dangerous rumble was Clint.  
‘You know why, Barton,’ I heard Thor say, ‘it is part of the agreement.’   
‘Agreement?’ No one had told me about an agreement.   
‘Loki can get reduction of sentence, if he manages to behave, here.’ That was Natasha. She, too, didn’t sound overly enthusiastic.   
‘We went over that before,’ the boredom dripped of Loki’s voice, ‘may I come in?’ No one answered, though I could hear leathery, confident footsteps coming nearer.   
‘Not there,’ I heard Clint say. The footsteps stopped.  
‘I see,’ Loki mused. ‘She is the lamb of the group, why- o, never mind. She can’t see. Well, I won’t hurt her, do not worry, you don’t need to stand by her like that. ‘I clenched my teeth, and gripped the nearest object I could find; it felt like a remote of some kind. With all force I threw it towards his voice. It clattered to the ground.  
‘I don’t need protection.’  
‘That was way off.’  
‘Nyree.’  
‘Loki. It is an honour, Lady Nyree.’  
‘Next time it won’t miss.’  
‘I will try to remember,’ he sounded amused. ‘Now we have all gotten to know each other, I would like to retreat to my chambers.’


	2. Chapter 2

It was far in the afternoon when I finally decided I was hungry. Until then I had laid on the couch, pretending to read a book. I only did that so the others wouldn’t think I was being gloomy or moody, or depressed. Nevertheless, they all asked me if I needed anything, and I had to tell them all no.

I shuffled to the kitchen, found the fridge and felt if there was anything inside. Nothing appeared as rather appetising to me, so I closed it again, and grabbed a sack of bread. I pulled out some slices, and started chewing those without anything on them.   
Then I stiffened.  
I knew someone was in the room; when your eyes won’t work, your other senses become strangely sensitive. And I didn’t even hear anything, I could feel the presence of my company.   
‘I know you are there,’ I said, not bothering to raise my voice. ‘If you are spying on me, I’d like to ask you to come closer so I can strangle you.’   
I heard a soft chuckle.   
‘That is not very hospitable. Is this how you treat guests here in Midgard?’   
‘O, it’s you.’ I did not know if it was better or worse that my company was the ultimate villain. On the one hand, he was known as the God of Mischief, so I could not trust him, but on the other hand, he wouldn’t treat me like a helpless puppy. Besides, he did not scare me the way he probably should.   
‘You were reading?’ he asked. He sounded slightly interested.   
‘No, I just like to rub my fingers on the paper.’  
He ignored my sneer.  
‘But how?’  
I sighed; I had no energy to argue with him. ‘These dots stand for letters, and I can feel which pattern they are following, and thus decipher what they mean.’   
‘Hmm,’ Loki mused. ‘It doesn’t seem like a very rapid way to read.’   
‘No,’ I admitted, ‘I am rubbish at it too.’ Realising what I had said, I followed it with, ‘But if you ever tell the rest, I swear I will find you and choke you.’   
‘Do not worry, they do not seem to like speaking with me. There is not so much of a chance I will tell them.’   
‘God, I wish they would sometimes let me be alone. I hate the way they speak to me; I am not a child. I can’t bare hearing the guilt in their voice, it was my own fault, not theirs. My presence hurts them – and they think I don’t notice.’ I bit my lip. ‘If you ever tell them that- well, you know…’   
‘You’ll choke me,’ he chuckled softly. ‘You seem to prefer that method of silencing.’  
‘Yeah, well,’ I admitted, ‘if I try to find something sharp, I will probably cut myself first. That wouldn’t really help me in my mission, would it?’   
Loki laughed. ‘I suppose not. Besides, I do think you possess the element of surprise; just pretend like your only goal is to… get to know them, you know, feel their features, so you can sense their appearance. While they are very uncomfortable, you can grab their neck.’   
I couldn’t help but laugh.   
‘I like the way you think. Sadly, I can’t use this tactic with you anymore.’   
‘I will just have to keep my mouth shut, then.’   
‘That would be nice.’  

I started walking back, slightly wobbling, and was actually glad that Loki didn’t try to grab my arm and guide me, like the others tended to do.   
‘I would move to the right, if I were you,’ Loki still sounded amused.  
‘Why?’ I asked suspiciously.   
‘You do not have to, of course, but I figured you would rather not trip on the coffee table.’   
‘O.’ I moved slightly to the right before I continued walking. I didn’t hit anything, but when I crouched down and felt, the coffee table was actually on my left. ‘Thanks,’ I said surprised.   
‘You are welcome.’


	3. Chapter 3

Dinner time. I dreaded it, like always. I came from the couch, after Bruce asked me if I didn’t just want to eat on the couch, which I said no to, and slowly moved to the dinner table. I put my hand on the table, and slid it slowly across the surface.   
‘Here’s a free chair,’ Clint said. ‘Should I-‘   
‘Nope, I got it,’ I quickly replied. Which was half a truth, half a lie. It took quite some effort to sit down, but it worked out… eventually.  
The food was good, I suppose, but I still didn’t really have an appetite. It’s because I don’t do that much, I told myself. I just sat on my chair, on the couch, in my bed, rubbing my fingers all over a piece of paper, hearing the words spell out in my head, one by one, often too slow to really form a sentence, let alone a story.   
Gritting my teeth, I laid down my knife and fork.  
‘Something wrong?’ Tony asked.  
‘No, I’m good. Just not very hungry.’ I rose, and started walking away. With my hands I found the door, and left. Nobody followed me, or at least not that I could hear, and I was glad. I couldn’t stand the tension between them when I was in the room. I didn’t see them, but I could feel their apologetic and pitying gazes. I had had enough. I started running, and immediately stumbled, face first to the ground. It hurt, my nose felt wet, but I pushed myself up. No more weakness.   
How, I didn’t know, but I did find the practise room. Here I stumbled and tripped over many things, until I reached one of the punching balls. I hit it, and tried to hit it again, but it barely moved. I punched and punched, trying to force it back, but it wouldn’t work.   
‘You damned ball!’ I yelled. ‘You jerk, you…’ my words turned into sobs. I stumbled again, and fell face first into one of the “soft” mats. ‘You, weakling,’ I whispered, as I got up again. Tears were falling rapidly now. I had to get out of here. I couldn’t let anyone find me like this; they would never let me be alone again.   
Falling, dragging myself across the walls, I found the hallway of my chambers. I was the only one there; I had come later than the other avengers. So I had my own, personal hallway. Now I was glad; I only had to find the unlocked door.   
When I did, I stumbled inside, slamming the door shut behind me, throwing myself on the bed. I tried not to cry, I tried not to be weak, or make a sound.   
None of those things I could accomplish. Tears were falling, I was trembling, I was gasping. I was pathetic.

I woke again from a brightly coloured dream, finding myself in blackness. Opening my eyes was useless – though I could never help myself from doing it.  
‘I suppose I should forgive you for being in my room.’ The voice startled me.   
‘Who, what, why?’ I mumbled alarmed.  
‘I now believe they did not tell you I was your… hallmate. Is that what you call it?’   
‘What?’   
‘I imagine they did not want to frighten you. Alas, I still have.’ His tone was light and amusing, and confused me almost more than his words.   
‘I am sorry,’ I shook my head. ‘I didn’t know, but-’ words wouldn’t come out of my mouth. With my hands trembling I found the edge of the bed, and swung my feet to the floor.   
‘I suggest you let someone cure that nose.’   
Immediately I shook my head, making me even more dizzy – causing me to stagger.   
‘I can’t. they will ask-‘   
‘Of course,’ Loki sighed. Suddenly I heard footsteps, but they kept echoing inside my head, so I didn’t know where he was coming from.   
‘Where are you?’ panicked I swirled around.   
The footsteps stopped. ‘Calm down. Here, protrude your hand, you will feel mine.’ Doing as he asked, I indeed found his hand, and I gripped it. it was surprisingly cold. His arm bend as he came closer, until I could feel the power radiating off him. Without saying anything he guided me through the room.  
‘Please, sit,’ he told me, and with my hand feeling first I sat down, on what had to be the edge of a bath. Then Loki let go of my hand, and I put both of mine on the cool material beside me.   
‘Don’t be scared.’ I was startled a bit when he was suddenly very close. He chuckled.  
‘Too late,’ I muttered.   
A cold and wet cloth stroked my nose, and I tried not to wince at the pain that surged through it.   
‘What attacked you like this, I must wonder,’ Loki mused.   
I sighed, embarrassed. ‘Nothing, or myself maybe. I don’t know. I was being stupid – thinking I could do things I know very well I can’t.’  
‘Don’t you humans always say to keep trying, to keep changing, moving forwards? Isn’t that supposed to be the beauty of being mortal; always changing?’ his words may have sounded rude, but his tone was more surprised, genuinely inquisitive.   
‘Yeah, well, now this happened. I am only going back, not moving forwards. I used to be able to hold against Steve, now I can’t even make a punching bag move out of the way. I used to love reading, I devoured the words, now I use it as a diversion. I used to impress the Avengers, imagine that. Now I bring them grief and regret. I live in a world that is moving faster and faster, and I can’t keep up.’   
‘And yet, you seem not to be frightened by my presence, even though the others are. That must count for something, mustn’t it?’   
‘When life frightens you as much as it does me, one person can’t really stir your emotions anymore.’   
‘I am not sure if I should think you brave or foolish.’   
I laughed softly. ‘I would say foolish.’  
We were quiet again. I felt his gentle touch, and wondered how such a creature could be able of such kind motions.


	4. Chapter 4

Loki finally finished cleaning my face, and he touched my nose with his bare hand. I felt a strange sensation, and suddenly it didn’t hurt anymore.  
‘What did you do?’  
‘I healed it.’   
‘With magic?’ I was both surprised and shocked.  
‘Well, yes. Was I not supposed to?’   
‘I- thank you.’   
‘You are welcome.’   
Silence again.   
‘I should go.’ I rose, and bumped into Loki. ‘Sorry.’   
He took me by the shoulders and steered me towards the door.   
‘You know,’ he muttered near my ears, ‘there is no shame in asking for help. Trying to do everything by yourself is what will break you.’   
I stopped. ‘But my presence hurts them.’   
Loki huffed. ‘From what I have seen, it is your pain that hurts them most. And correct me if I’m wrong – but your departure would hurt them even more.’   
‘I am sorry.’   
‘For what?’ he sounded utterly surprised.   
‘This.’ I waved my hands, gesturing towards myself. ‘I am a mess, but you have troubles of your own. I am complaining while I shouldn’t. Everything could be worse. And I am taking up your time.’   
‘In truth, Lady Nyree – and if you ever tell anyone, you know what I’ll have to do – I enjoyed your company.’   
I laughed surprised. ‘If that is true, let me listen to you. I believe I have done enough talking. Speak, if you want to, of course.’   
Loki chuckled. ‘You surprise me. Midgardian’s usually do not want to hear me speak, if I cannot tell them what I am up to.’   
‘It is the least I can do. Besides, my ears are still working.’   
‘Thank the stars for that,’ he laughed. ‘But let us get out of here. Would you want to go to the roof with me? This room starts to feel like a cage to me.’   
I bit my lip. ‘I’m actually not really allowed to go there. They are afraid I will fall off, or jump, I think.’   
‘I won’t let either happen.’

And so I found myself guided to the elevator, and I waited for the ding with great anticipation. I heard the doors open. For a moment I was frozen; I hadn’t felt the wind for a long while. I would have to come out of my hiding.   
When the wind touched my face, I couldn’t help but smile. This, I had missed.   
I found the edge on my own, and let my legs rest over it.   
‘Sit!’ I smiled. I heard Loki do so. He was close, and I let my shoulder touch his.  
‘What do you want to hear?’ he asked.   
‘Everything!’  
Loki chuckled. ‘That is too much, I am afraid.’   
‘All right. Tell me what Asgard is like.’  
And he did. He described everything. The golden walls of the palace. The blooming gardens, the shining silver and gems. The balls, the feasts, the battles, the throne, the prison. And the rainbow that was the Bifrost. But mostly the dark sky above it, with sparkling stars and colourful planets.   
‘In all of the nine realms,’ he sighed, ‘there is no place like the view of the Bifrost. It is truly marvellous.’   
‘I see it,’ I whispered. The images were vague and blurred, but my mind did try to construct it. I shivered.  
Loki chuckled in surprise. ‘I forgot you Midgardians got cold.’  
‘Sadly, yes.’ Suddenly something warm covered my shoulders.   
‘Thank you.’ I leaned against him, tired.   
‘No, thank you,’ he whispered back.


	5. Chapter 5

We must have said there all night, as finally I felt the warmth returning.   
‘Is it beautiful?’ I asked in a whispering voice.   
‘I do think so.’   
I smiled melancholic. ‘I think so too. I still feel the warmth which is so familiar. And of course I have seen the sun rise from behind the horizon. But it is fading. All the memories are fading. The gold of the sun, the silver of the moon, the green of the grass, the blue of the sky. There are some traces left in my mind, but the real image is gone. Even if I cannot see it ever again, I wish I could at least remember it.’  
Silence followed my words.    
‘It is strange; how easy it is to lose the will to live. I never thought that would be so important; after all, your heart just keeps beating, if you want it or not. But now I start to understand I was wrong; I cannot feel my heart anymore. If I lost my purpose, why should I live?’  
‘Please do not jump,’ Loki said softly. ‘I do not think they would believe me if I told them.’   
I smiled. ‘You would be in big trouble.’   
‘Don’t make that tempt you.’   
‘You could always convince them you weren’t here.’ There was a short, loaded silence.  
‘I also do not want you to jump.’ His sincerity surprised me.   
‘I don’t want to do it either. But sometimes it seems so easy. You know?’  
‘Too well, I am afraid. I let go once – and I still regret it. I was too much of a coward to look everyone in the eyes and say: “I was wrong.” All the might-have-beens still haunt me, to this day.’   
‘So it is a good thing you don’t have to look me into the eyes.’   
‘The lack of judgemental looks does help.’   
‘Hmm. One thing I indeed do not miss. Do you like dreams, Loki?’  
‘Dreams, I do. Nightmares, not.’ I sighed softly.   
‘I love sleeping. I can see when I am asleep. It is beautiful. I can run, and dance, sometimes even fly. And then I see the sun rise, and the sea – God, I love the waves crashing against the beach. And I love the grass, and the flowers. In my dreams I even love this concrete city. Because sometimes, during the night, when the city is quiet, and everyone is asleep, the lights make the buildings look like candles.  
It is no Asgard, I know, but it can be quite a pretty sight.’ I was falling asleep, and I wasn’t really aware of what I was saying.   
‘It sounds astonishing. Dream well. Dream about a peaceful city, and the candlelit skies. You deserve it.’


	6. Chapter 6

‘Good morning.’  
‘Good morning, Tony!’ I smiled.   
‘What happened to you?’ Tony sounded truly astonished.   
‘I saw the light.’ I laughed, hearing my own words. ‘Could you grab my hands for a moment?’  
‘Sure, but-’ I interrupted him by hugging him tight.   
‘Thank you, Tony, for all your help. I really appreciate it.’   
‘Wow, uhm, you’re welcome, I guess.’ Tony stammered surprised.   
‘Why is she suffocating you, Tony?’   
‘It is called a hug, Barton!’ I called back.   
‘What has gotten into her?’   
‘I have seen the light!’ I smiled.   
‘Does that mean you’ve lost your mind?’   
‘Possibly.’   
I wanted to shuffle towards the dining table, but waited.   
‘Hey, Tony, could you give me a hand?’   
‘Of course!’ Immediately he took my hand and started to guide me.  
‘I could use a bit more speed, you know. I thought Steve was the old man,’ I teased.  
‘I heard that!’   
‘Morning Captain.’   
I had reached the table, and I sat down.   
‘So,’ I said cheerful, ‘who’s present?’   
‘Me.’ Tony.  
‘Yo.’ Clint.  
‘Present.’ Steve.  
‘I am.’ Loki. The room tensioned. But I wouldn’t let it be.  
‘Good. Loki, you were last, so you have to get me breakfast!’   
‘Excuse me, why?’  
‘Because I am letting people help me.’ I grinned, hoping he would understand how grateful I was.   
After a little rumbling in the kitchen, he sat something before me on the table.  
‘For you.’   
‘Thanks.’   
There was an awkward silence. ‘Sit.’ I demanded, when no chair moved.   
‘I do not think your companions would appreciate.’   
‘I don’t think it will be a problem, right guys?’   
‘Sure,’ Tony said. I could tell he was still looking at me, unsure what to make of my attitude.   
‘All right by me,’ said Steve.  
‘Clint?’   
He sighed. ‘Nyree…’   
‘Can I have your hand?’ He grabbed it.   
‘See, I’ll hold your hand. And if anything happens, I will let you use me for target practise.’   
Clint let out an involuntary chuckle. ‘To miss or to hit?’  
‘Up to you,’ I smiled.   
Clint sighed again. ‘All right. You can sit, Jerk.’ That last word he muttered softly, not for anyone to hear.   
After a short silence Clint cleared his throat.  
‘So, Loki. It seems you have quite some influence on our little girl.’   
‘What makes you think that?’   
‘Because she is now behaving like a spoiled little princess.’   
Everyone around the table started laughing. I didn’t mind. I loved the sound of laughter, and it had been quite some time since I had really heard it. Even Loki laughed softly beside me.

All three left that day, having some kind of mission, and I was sad to have them leave. But they would come back, I knew that. I hugged them all three, trying to show all the gratefulness in one single touch.   
‘If you hurt her in any way,’ Clint grumbled, ‘there won’t be any piece of you left bigger than a penny.’   
‘I was thinking we could burn the last parts,’ Tony jokingly added.   
‘Guys! Like I can’t take care of myself!’  
‘We know you can, we only mean that we will finish what you started.’   
‘That’s better! Give Thor, Bruce and Nat a hug from me!’   
‘I’ll take Bruce,’ Tony called.  
‘Thor!’ Clint called.  
‘So Steve,’ I grinned, ‘seems like you’re left with Nat. Good luck with that.’   
‘Maybe she’ll let me if I tell her it came from you.’ It was clear that he didn’t believe his own words.   
‘Sure,’ Clint snorted. ‘I still rather try and hug the thousand-year-old God of Thunder than our Nat.’   
‘Aw, come on, Thor is a big teddy bear. And Tony, don’t pinch Bruce.’   
‘Hey, can’t promise that.’   
I shook my head.   
‘Bye guys.’ And I heard them leave.


	7. Chapter 7

‘Thor is a big teddy bear?’ I heard Loki say unbelievably behind me. ‘I do not think I have ever heard someone say that and survive.’   
‘He wouldn’t dare hit the blind girl, would he?’   
Loki chuckled. ‘I like the way you think.’   
‘Thank you, though,’ I said, on a more serious note. ‘You were right.’   
‘I’m sorry, could you repeat that?’  
‘Nope!’ I wanted to walk away, but ran straight into him. His hands grabbed me, and hold on tight. ‘Hey!’ I wrestled half-heartedly, as I didn’t really mind him holding me. ‘God, you are strong!’   
‘Really? Even though I trained all my life fighting a teddy bear?’   
‘Maybe you two are not so different,’ I purred.  
‘Why do I not believe that was a compliment?’   
I didn’t answer, but suddenly relaxed. He hadn’t anticipated this, and I got the chance to turn around, and wrap my hands around his waist.   
‘Yes, definitely a teddy bear,’ I hummed. Loki chuckled softly, and wrapped his arms around me.   
‘What makes you so… different today?’ he asked, his hands playing with a strand of my hair.  
‘I realised yesterday how I still can do so much, and have so many wonderful people around me. I didn’t want to lose that.’ I was silent. ‘O, and don’t worry, you won’t have to kill me, I won’t tell anyone I called you a teddy bear.’   
‘I don’t think, that even if you did, I could.’

‘I was wondering,’ Loki said, while releasing me, ‘if you could teach me how you read.’   
‘Why?’ I said amazed.   
‘Because I like learning and knowing. It seems like a skill that may become useful one day.’   
‘Sure. If you’d help me get to the couch and give me a book.’   
He did so, and when he put the book into my hands, he said softly, ‘here it is, princess.’   
I couldn’t help but blush. Loki sat down beside me.  
‘O, Pride and Prejudice!’ I exclaimed. ‘That’s one of my favourites.’   
‘I hope I will not ruin it for you, if I am a slow student.’  
‘No one can ruin Mr Darcy for me,’ I smiled.   
‘I do not know who you mean.’   
‘You’ll find out!’   
I took his hand, and let his finger slide over the dots on the cover.   
‘Feel these four dots? This is the P. Then there are these four dots, with three underneath each other, and one in the middle left, that’s the r. Every time there is a pattern of six spaces. They can be a dot or they can be empty.’  
As I slowly moved his finger, I read him the text, so he could pick up the different letters.   
After a while I let him say the letters first, and I listened as he slowly got better.   
His voice was amazing – enchanting. Never had I enjoyed the book more than now. I started to truly understand the meaning of “silver tongue”.


	8. Chapter 8

The day progressed without me really noticing, hadn’t it been for my own body.   
‘I am hungry,’ I said astounded.   
‘Well, eat, then.’   
‘Yeah…’ I shook my head. ‘Strange, I haven’t really eaten in a while, not dinner, at least.’  
‘Let us change that.’   
‘Us?’   
‘You want to do more by yourself, so I will help you cook.’   
‘I’m not sure that is a good idea.’   
‘Do not worry, I will not let you cut yourself.’

So I became something of a puppet. Loki stood behind me, guiding my hands where necessary. Sometimes more loosely, and other times, like while cutting, he made me follow his movements very strictly.

‘God, that smells good,’ I sighed, when we were done.   
‘I hope it does taste good, too.’ Loki sounded a bit worried.   
‘It’s soup, isn’t it?’ It wasn’t really much of a question, because I was almost a hundred percent sure, but still, he wasn’t from earth, so who knows what they eat up there.  
‘Yes. I found the recipe in one of the books laying around. It didn’t seem too hard. Perfect for a first time, I thought.’   
‘You never cooked before?’ I exclaimed in utter surprise.  
‘They might call you a spoiled princess, but I actually was a wealthy prince. You do not really have to do much, if you have servants for everything.’   
‘Let’s find out how we did it!’   
We sat down and got a bowl each. I scooped a spoonful and held it up.  
‘To us!’  
‘To us,’ Loki chimed in. He answered a bit slower, thoughtful.

It was indeed a wonderful soup, full and flavourful, though still light enough to not make my unpractised stomach upset.   
‘We make a great team,’ I sighted happily, when I had eaten my last spoonful.   
‘Indeed we do.’


	9. Chapter 9

They were coming back. The mission had gone well, and no one was hurt.   
‘Really?’ I heard Clint in the background say, while I was having an audio conversation with Tony. ‘Nobody is hurt? So either I am nobody, or being the Hulk’s little blue brother doesn’t count as being hurt?’   
‘Don’t worry Clint, when you come back I’ll have a surprise for you.’  
‘Really?’ immediately his voice cheered up. ‘What kind of surprise?’  
I laughed. ‘Don’t want to spoil it, do we?’   
‘We’ll be there within two hours at most.’   
‘Good, because if this goes wrong I might burn the tower down.’  
‘What?’   
‘See you soon, Tony,’ and I ended the call.   
‘They’ll probably come with half of New York’s fire department,’ I grinned. ‘Are you ready?’   
‘I think so. Come.’   
I made my way to the kitchen, and felt what Loki had put on the table for me.   
‘Okay, this is a bowl.’   
‘Very good. May I tell you, that you are very observant?’   
I poked him softly in de ribs. ‘What do I need?’   
Loki would tell me, and I would try to grab the right ingredient. It didn’t always go well – for some reason, and I might be to blame, some flower escaped onto- well, everything. He helped me with the eggs, so there wouldn’t be shell in the batter, and he laughed at me when I tried to get the plug into the socket.   
‘If I get electrocuted, it’s your fault,’ I complained.   
‘No, just a bit to the left, no a bit up… Yes, you see? It worked!’   
‘Barely.’ I stuck my tongue out.  
Eventually I had to knead the dough, and I pulled some pieces off and put them in my mouth.   
‘We could just leave it like this,’ I suggested.   
‘No, we will finish what we started. We will not give up. If you do not eat everything, that is.’ He chuckled softly.   
Surprising myself, I didn’t eat all the batter, and Loki helped me put the baking sheet into the oven.

‘All right, what is on fire?’ the door flew open.   
‘Hello Tony,’ I greeted him from the kitchen, ‘did you have a nice flight?’   
‘nothing’s on fire?’  
‘no, of course not. Have some faith,’ I said cheerfully.   
‘Are you baking cookies?’ Of course Clint noticed the cookies first.   
‘Surprise!’ I beamed.   
Suddenly someone grabbed me from behind.   
‘Steve told me I owed you a hug,’ Natasha said in my ear.   
‘Yeah,’ I breathed. ‘and I think I’m having a heart attack.’   
‘no you are not, your vital functions are fine.’   
‘are you wearing your suit?’ I laughed.   
‘Tony thought you really lit up the place.’ Natasha giggled.   
‘it’s Nyree we are taking about,’ Tony protested. I heard some soft noises, and knew he had disabled the suit.   
‘where’s Loki?’ I asked. ‘I think those cookies need to get out of the oven.’   
‘Here is my little brother!’ Thor’s booming voice reached me, and I smiled.   
‘Hey Thor.’   
I felt a hand on my shoulder, and knew Loki had reached me.   
‘Is it true? Did you really call me a Teddy bear?’   
‘I’m afraid so.’ I pulled on the oven mitts Loki had given me. ‘did Clint give you that hug?’   
‘nope, he was too busy complaining about his mild injuries.’ Tony answered for him.   
‘They are not mild!’ Clint protested.   
‘I’m a doctor, and I say they are mild.’   
‘hey Bruce.’   
‘is it safe what you are about to do?’  
‘hello to you too, Steve. And yes, it is. Oven is hot -Loki’s cold, what can go wrong?’   
‘I could give you some suggestions,’ Loki whispered in my ear, while he guided me to the oven. He opened it for me, and he helped be grab the baking tray.   
‘Voilà!’ I turned around. ‘And, how do they look?’   
I smiled proudly as everyone complimented the look, and after that the taste, of the chocolate chip cookies. I also enjoyed my share of the bunch.   
The others started to relive their mission, and I listened feeling content.   
‘I must say brother; these earthlings do know how to make good food.’   
‘This time I have to agree with you, Thor.’   
‘How’s it going, Teddy bear?’ I teased. Thor’s arms locked around me, in a tight bear hug.   
‘I am well. How are you? I hope my brother has behaved?’   
‘Loki’s been great. We have discovered his talent for cooking, haven’t we?’ I felt his hand softly touch mine.   
‘We have indeed.’ I couldn’t help but notice the slight emphasis on “we”, and I smiled


	10. Chapter 10

I managed to control myself for two weeks after they returned. Two weeks, before I couldn’t get out of bed again. That’s the thing about depression: you can’t beat it once and think it is over, it just comes back.   
I heard a soft knock on the door. I didn’t answer. The door opened, someone walked in.   
‘You were missed at breakfast.’ It was Thor.   
‘I am not hungry.’ I muttered. Some more steps. The bed sagged slightly.   
‘What happened? You were doing so well.’ His voice was filled with sincere caring and concern.    
‘I don’t know, it just- I wake up and I’m like this, a mess. I can’t help it ‘   
‘Should I call my brother? He seems to have a good impact on you.’  
‘He has done enough for me already.’ I groaned.   
Thor sighed. ‘Don’t shut him out like this. You both need each other; I can see it. Once I was the one he relied on, but I shut him out, and I lost him. Don’t make the same mistake.’  
‘I’m sorry.’   
‘No, I am, but I cannot undo the past. You know that too. But don’t forget we are a team, we want to help you. Anything. Just ask.’ He rose again.   
‘Wait!’ Suddenly the idea of him leaving me freaked me out. ‘Thor, I’m sorry. You are right. Please,’ a tear rolled down my cheek, ‘I don’t want to shut you, him or anyone out. I’m sorry, that’s just what I do.’ Desperation creeped into my voice.   
A hand rested on my arm. ‘It’s okay. We will bring you back to the light.’

He embraced me. I cried. Others came, I apologised. They said it was okay, that they would help. And that was true.   
It wasn’t easy; improvement came slowly, and sometimes disappeared without reason.   
Thor told me his best stories from when he was a kid, and of his battles. Clint tried to improve my hearing by putting me in the centre of the training room and him walking silently to a spot, then making a sound, letting me throw something at him. If I did well, I had the satisfaction of his pained exclamation.   
Natasha taught me slowly how to play there piano, mostly her favourite songs.   
Steve gave me history lessons, mostly trying to find the interesting and outstanding facts.   
Bruce tried to teach me about self-control and how he lived with himself.   
Tony collaborated with me in finding a way to create more efficient ways of communication and writing.   
Loki read me my books, and was there to listen. I told him every dark thought, because he was there to tell me it was going to be all right.   
Many times he just lay beside me on the bed, and I crawled against him, listening to his heartbeat.

‘What are you thinking?’ I asked him one night.   
He sighed. ‘That after everything I have done, I do not deserve to lay here with someone like you.’  
‘Do you think about it a lot?’ I asked hesitantly.  
‘Every day.’  
‘You’re hurt,’ I whispered. ‘That’s both good and bad.’  
‘How so?’ Some of his amusement returned to his voice.   
‘It is bad because I don’t want you to be hurt. But it is good because it shows your goodness.’  
‘I like the way you think,’ he mused softly, gripping my hand and weaving his fingers through mine.


	11. Chapter 11

That night Loki woke me, his hands gentle as he shook me, his voice close as he called my name.   
‘Come,’ he whispered. Still sleepy I followed, without questioning him. He took me down the hallways, and guided me into the elevator.   
‘Here,’ he put something over my shoulder. Probably some sort of cloak. It was warm and comforting.   
I heard the soft ding of the elevator, and suddenly the wind grasped my hair.   
‘The roof?’ I muttered. ‘Why?’  
Loki took my hands and whispered close to my ear, ‘Because it is the best place to dance.’   
And so we did. He held me close, and guided my steps. He got more confident over time, and let me twirl, and made me laugh. I could feel the sun slowly rising, and with it, my spirits.   
Our bodies were so close, it seemed my senses were being overwhelmed. And we laughed softly while spinning, and I let out a little yelp as he twirled me one more time, very quickly.   
I stopped, looking up to him, even though I could not see his face.   
‘Are you smiling?’ I wondered. I certainly was, it seemed impossible to me not to.   
‘How could I not?’   
I reached up, and felt his face. His straight nose, cool skin, the slightly ceased skin around his eyes. His soft lips.  
‘I wish I could see your smile, just once,’ I whispered.   
‘I wish I could give you my sight forever.’ His breath stroked my face, and he leaned his forehead against mine.   
And the sun was rising, while we quietly enjoyed each other’s company. The sun was rising, and I knew, this was all I ever needed.


	12. Chapter 12

I stayed in bed. The world felt too dark. I was too tired. The bed was safe. The world was not. I didn’t want to hear them pity me. I didn’t want to hurt them. If I just stay here, I wondered, would they forget about me? Would they finally move on with their lives? I hoped so. Just let me die here. alone. The though both frightened and eased me. Though I wished I could see their smiles one last time.   
Tony’s smirk. Steve’s polite little smile. Natasha’s grin, which was very similar to Clint’s. Bruce’s awkward smile. Thor’s wide grin. And then there was the mystery of Loki. I didn’t know how a genuine smile looked like. I knew how it felt, his soft lips and stretched cheeks. I knew how his skin wrinkled slightly beside his eyes. I knew the sound of his laughter. But I didn’t know if his eyes would twinkle. I didn’t know how his face would light up. I didn’t know – but I wanted to so badly.

It was late afternoon when I finally came out of my bed, wondering why nobody had come. Where was Loki? Had they indeed forgotten about me?  
‘Hey, Nyree, how are you?’   
‘Hey Nat, where’s Loki?’   
‘Uhm,’ I heard footsteps halt for a moment. ‘I don’t know, maybe ask Clint, he’s been here all night.’  
‘Okay, thanks.’ I tried to sound positive. Natasha walked on.  
‘Clint?’ I called.  
‘Here,’ he answered. I ventured towards the sound of his voice.   
‘Clint, do you know where Loki is?’   
‘O.’ discomfort filled his tone. ‘I- listen; I don’t know where they went, they didn’t say, but they left at night.’   
‘They?’   
‘Loki and Thor. I didn’t ask questions; Loki is still an Asgardian prisoner, so…’   
‘O, okay. Thanks Clint.’   
I went back to bed; I couldn’t do anything else. I wasn’t hungry, I was only tired.

The next day Nat tried to get me out of bed, to play the piano, but it wouldn’t work. My fingers kept trembling and didn’t do what I wanted them to.   
‘It’s okay, Nyree, if the others come back from their mission-’    
‘it’s not you, Nat, I just can’t.’   
She kept trying though. She wouldn’t stop. She was a fighter. That I had always admired about her. She would not give up.   
But I didn’t have anyone to share my dark thoughts with. There was no one who could tell me it was going to be all right. Who told me it was all worth it. Who told me the light would come.  
I think she even tried to make cookies, as there was a burned smell in the kitchen, but I didn’t say anything about it. It only hurt more.   
Still I wondered every day why everyone had to leave. And mostly, why did Thor and Loki leave without saying goodbye? After all the time we spend together, hadn’t I deserved at least that?  
I hated myself for being so selfish, and I knew I made Nat sad; she kept trying to make me happy, and I couldn’t do anything in return.

Three entire weeks later, I found myself awoken at night. I didn’t know what it was, until I remembered my dream; I was flying. Still half asleep I made my way to the door, not bothering to dress in anything warmer than the thin nightgown I wore.   
In the lift I found the highest button, and pressed it. The elevator whirled upwards, and with a soft ding, it gave me access to the roof.   
Very slowly I made my way to the edge. Shaking I let my legs hang over the edge. The depth pulled at me. I inched forward. Little by little I got closer.   
‘I told you, I don’t want you to jump,’ a soft, deep voice whispered near my ear.   
‘And I didn’t want you to leave,’ I muttered back. I inched forwards even more. Suddenly two hands grabbed me, stopping me from going over the edge entirely.  
‘I came back – and if you do this, you won’t.’  
‘How do I know this is real?’ I whispered, tears rolling down my cheeks.   
‘Please, come here. First get away from the edge, then I will make you believe, I promise.’  
‘Okay, okay, okay…’ I mumbled incoherently. ‘I can do that, I think.’   
‘Good.’ He spoke very slowly. He held my hands tightly, not letting me go. Was he afraid I would still jump if he didn’t? Would I do that if he didn’t? I didn’t know.   
‘Here.’ He took one of my hands, and put it on his chest.  
‘Do you feel my heartbeat?’  
‘Yes, yes I do.’   
‘Could you please concentrate on that?’  
‘Yes, I think so.’  
‘Good.’  
He then started to chant. I didn’t know the language; I didn’t know the words. I didn’t know what he was doing, but I was way too tired to ask.   
Suddenly I started to feel dizzy, light headed and fuzzy. I grabbed Loki’s arms, and he also held me closer.   
‘Loki! What are you doing with her?’  
‘Barton, no! He is doing her no harm!’   
There were noises of a quarrel, grunts. More footsteps.   
Without warning my body felt like it was on fire.   
‘Loki!’ someone called his name, and he was yanked away from me.   
I fell down.   
‘Nyree!’ Now multiple voices called out my name.   
For a moment I lost my grip on this world.

## Epilogue

There was light. So much light. Everything seemed white. It hurt – but I didn’t close my eyes. I didn’t mind the pain, I welcomed it. There they all were. Tony, Steve, Natasha, Clint and Bruce. They were stunned, but smiled. Just as I had remembered, brighter even.   
Then I saw Thor, who grinned too. He let go of the man he was holding; a tall, handsome man, with long, black hair, and stunning green eyes. I didn’t know his smile. But it was better than I had imagined. It was filled with passion and hope. Happiness, I saw, even greater than my own.   
‘Loki,’ I whispered. ‘I can see.’   
He came towards me, squatted down, and took my face carefully in his cool hands.   
‘It is all you deserve.’   
Tears welled up in my eyes, and my vision blurred.   
‘I can see, Loki. I can see!’ I laughed and cried at the same time. ‘I can see!’   
I embraced him, and then kissed him.   
The sensation of his lips on mine was even more overwhelming than the light. It seemed to reboot my heart, and for the first time in forever, I could really feel it again.   
‘Thank you, thank you,’ I muttered against his lips.   
‘I love you,’ he muttered back.   
And for one moment, there was nothing more than happiness. Nothing more than the love for him, and the love for everyone around me. For one moment, all that existed was light.


End file.
